GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I intend to get homeless drunk
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
