now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
