jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
