I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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