nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I want a musical about memes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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