True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
