I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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