hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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