I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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