Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
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