just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
