You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
