Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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