Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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