You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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