I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
