You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
