I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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