I have demons in me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
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Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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