Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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