It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
