i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
