In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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