so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize