What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
