Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
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Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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