Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
