my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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