she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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