did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
