I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
