Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
