dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
