please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
