i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
