Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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