Michael Bay diarrhea
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
