no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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