Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
