He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
