ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
