I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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