so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
