I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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