She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
