Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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