Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
