my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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