somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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