I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
