So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
