whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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