Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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