This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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