if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
