She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
