In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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