after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
