I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
