I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Randomize
