Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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