I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
