I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i drank out of a bidet.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
