i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
