shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
