I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
