maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
