my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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