every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
