i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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