Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
